..peace through narcism..

There's no other thing but essays...
But I will get my life back as soon as possible...friday afternoon!!!
Hm...many things I wanna do:
1. Oxford
2. Judd books
3. IKEA
4. Four Season roast duck
5. clubbing
6. Brighton
7. Swan Lake
8. LFSI -->proposal!!

Seems...too many hahaha....i'll do for the best anyway,
The first 7 are really for pleasure that I haven't got quite a looong time, need some fresh air though...
Cos too many things were suspended as well..so I think it's really not a big deal hohoho...

Anyway.....
Why I feel gloomy?

hahahahaa......
It's been a century since the last time I wrote huh?
Yep, I don't know...just feel like writing something!

I've been doing these bloody essays...suddenly I need to take a look at my long lost blog...
Now, in the middle of nowhere....no more with my precious family and besties back in Indonesia, everything is new!
Not that new actually, been here for 5 months already...Londoners I become (^^)

I passed sooo many things, new things...for better or worse, much much mature I suppose!
Fortunately I always enjoy everything comes into my days...eventhough got into some troubles sometimes, but always take the positive sides...experience is always the best to know what to do in the future!

I think I'll keep this blog...be a better owner hahaha....
For now, it's enough...let me continue struggling!

Before...I'm sorry to abandon this craps for a long time....
I've been in so many situations...
Happy, sad, tears, beat....
Maturity...

Now I doubt about "a friend in need is a friend in deed"
I've been in sucks situation...a friend who doubts bout ur unconditional love bcoz u consider him/her as ur best friend....
A friend who definitely brought me back the trauma...been there done that, somebody whom u trust so much told u that he/she never expects u to be ur friend but ur condition....
This experience made my heart frozen...I try to build transparent wall, nobody can't ever get through it...neither my long lost friends nor my bestiest...ironic huh? especially guyz...
It's all just bcoz someone can't trust and understand u that much!
I've never had those doubts he/she has just now....
It just makes me tired!
I don't think I will go back in the same warm, safe, wonderful relationship with them....
Can somebody repair it?
I hope I will find u...

I 've just accidentally expected something too much!
This nite,at this exact moment..May 26th,10 minutes ago,which was 1.05am! (according to my mobile clock) -->by the time I wrote this crap in a rush with full consciousness

I've just realized it just now!!
I deny..and keep denying for this..
Is it the 'I-don't-want-to-admit' or 'yes,I absolutely don't want it to happen..ever,b'coz it's not what I want!'

..Expect the unexpected..
I felt like some kind of stupid gal waiting for an attractive unicorn..silly huh?!

I suppose it's the most reasonable quote I could ever think,that might describe how my everyday-life-clock is ticking..especially in some matters..

Uncertainty that sometimes bothers me no matter what but accept it as usual things!
Ask myself to see through the mirror which reflects such quote..I could say..

Do I should borrow others'?
Or pretend as if nothing happened?
Gee..is this some kind of too dramatic or what?
No..no..
Actually I don't take it too seriously..but,again,the sound sometimes calls me!
Hm..quite complicated may be..yet I'd rather abandon it as a soundless whisper!

This life is too beautiful to be ignored..(I hope I will always keep this as long as I am a realist)
^Smile but not wearing any masks!^

# posted by Stephani @ 10:36 AM ::

I just damn enjoy my life lately..everything is goin smooth, like the way i want it to be! \(^^)/ Whatta Life huh?!

I've done all my lessons, tasks and filled my leisure quite fun n absolutely with no negative comment!
Life is such a beautiful thing to get through..
Especially on April 15th, is it just my feeling or what?
Smiling all week long..is there something wrong with my mental?
Gee..I hope not! (^o^')
All boyz out there? (please say that i'm correct!)
Or is it my lucky month? O..please not just thish month!! huhuuu...

But, FYI...in the middle of it, I was extremely depressed on April 14th!! Until finally...hehehe....

But ironically, something i've just known is that some palz felt awfully depressed..hav no idea why!
Hm.....Guyz, i'm here for yo'all!! Loph u..loph u..muaaccchhh!!

Again, but...when will this sentence come out of my own mouth...
"i'm so damn in love with u...."

Btw...templatenya masi berantakan yah?
Nungguin ketemu ma "tukang"nya dulu...
Woi...baca ga???
I need some HELP!!!

It's been few weeks since the last journal..
Ternyata udah lumayan lama juga nganggurin niy Blog,
hmm...ngapain aja? Yah..melalui waktu, ga jelas juga ngapain..paling2 ya kuliah kominter n ngerjain tugas2nya, tros hang out ma temen2 kampus yg juga kadang ga jelas kmn tros jalan ma temen2 se-genk yg sama2 juga suka ga pasti kmn! (geleng2) Oia..ditambah satu lagi, hav some fun with my old palz from elementary school, mizz yo'all!

Seems like all of them are useless things to do huh? No no no...it's absolutely wrong, coz i luv them all, all of my lophly palz who always be there whenever i need 'em! \(^^)/

Dalam rangka memperluas pergaulan n memperbanyak kegiatan biar ga terlalu banyak tidur (tentu saja dengan tidak mengabaikkan main theme of the year: SKRIPSI!!) so I decided to join fitness, English course, which is...I was accepted at the highest level ever at IALF uohohohohoho...extremely surprised!! ehem2..(tampang congkak) tapi ternyata Tuhan hendak mengingatkanku supaya tidak takabur, yah..jadwal ma kul ga match jdnya ambil yg level dibawanya persis..gpp d, itung2 peregangan lidah dulu...

New appearance of my blog..is it a damn confusing contradiction or what?
Combination of red and black with a lil' touch of cute darkness..the dwarf angel of death+mellow fellow song=...???
Its title is ~forbidden_love~
Why is there any such thing?
Kinda hate it, but it actually happened...doubtless, just wanna keep it in my deepest memory of life...now it's time to GET REAL!!!
But...do i deserve it?
...Do I hope for it?
...Do I ready to get through?
...Do I need to get rid off it?
I just don't think so...sumtimes this crazy-beautiful feeling just annoys my mind...

Akhirnya..td penentuan judul skripsi tlah tertempel di HINC dgn manis dan rapi..
Power dan Persuasi dalam Hubungan Internasional: Perbandingan Pendekatan US dan EU

Is it really what i want?
Hm..actually i've been thinking bout this topic bout a year ago, by the time i bought a lil' book titled "Paradise and Power, US and Europe" I attracted, no doubt...
But not quite sure whether i would use it as the topic for this final project...
i'm just not quite sure bout the graduation target also..
Pengennya cepet2 aja..keburu bosen!

Masalahnya adalah dapet dosen pembimbing yg kurang terlalu kuharapkan seblomnya...emg siy Mas Joko enak tapi ngga pernah kebayang aja klo Pak Joko (mr. Perfectionist yg pelit bgt dlm hal nilai-mnilai) bakal nguji aku...secara nervous bakal diintimidasi...

Knapa? Yak betul,karena td siang udah ngumpulin topik skripsi di KP..
beban jd agak SEDIKIT b'kurang...mengingat kmaren sangat STRESS!
Apalagi klo ngga mencari inspirasi judul tapi tak kunjung ketemu juga yg sreg?!
Tp akhirnya...